Happy Monday, pals. Everything is garbage out in the so-called world, so let’s all take a break from stockpiling water and guns to bask in some savory Nick Kyrgios content.

This is inspired by his latest video, in which he justifiably attacks Sacha Zverev—the German #nextgen pro who looks like the weak rich prince that dies horrifically in every medieval movie you’ve ever seen—for not self-isolating. Zverev played in the “Adria Tour” matches that nailed Djokovic, Dimitrov, and Coric with COVID-19, and though he tested negative, he vowed to “follow self-isolating guidelines” upon returning home. Instead…

Here was Kyrgios’ response:

There’s so much to say about Nick Kyrgios, and he remains a really frustrating on-the-court figure (who routinely embarrasses himself and others), but what’s great about him is that he’s truly wild and untamed. To find an athlete who exists outside the PR bubble of any particular sport is incredibly rare in 2020, but Kyrgios is someone who won’t be muzzled, which means you’re always getting the most honest material from him. On the court, that often means being insecure, defensive, whiny, and finally combustible, but off the court he seems to have a pretty solid view of the world and a willingness to say what he thinks is true.

A few days ago, he called out Novak Djokovic for doing the same thing—partying in a crowded club at the peak of the coronavirus.

Nor did he let Coric off the hook:

The man has been on fire lately, because shortly before that last tweet, he also owned Greg Rusedski, who tested positive for the banned drug Nandrolone during his playing career (he got off), and decided to become a “screw it, life is full of risk” guy re: the U.S. Open:

Last, he’s been calling out the U.S. Open for about a month now, and he’s never looked more prescient:

Many people will find Kyrgios annoying, and to some extent I get that, but in the highly polished world of major professional sports, I find his whole act refreshing. The guy has his problems, but being a liar or hiding behind the usual hypocrisies is not one of them. Love him or hate him—I do both, depending on the moment—he’s a singular personality in a bland milieu.

You think Cam Newton to the Pats will be cool, but it won’t

I’m not sure how universal this is, since I’m entrenched in the North Carolina Football Zone, but people seem to love Cam Newton. He brought the Panthers to a Super Bowl, he was good-to-great in stretches, and everyone was sad when he got released last year. Now, he’s going to the Patriots.

The fact that we were JUST reminded that the Pats are unrepentant cheaters is a case of excellent timing, because the temptation with Newton is to say “oh, good for him, he’ll get to go to a really good franchise late in his career and have one last shot at glory.” But make no mistake: he’s evil now. It’s not his fault, but he’s evil.

Nobody goes to the Patriots and has a heartwarming farewell. The Patriots eat you alive. It’s like joining Satan’s army—everything you once were, every bit of individuality, is subsumed by the dark mass. He is not Cam Newton anymore. He is a Patriot. He is more Bill Belichick than he is the fun quarterback you remember from his now obsolete Panthers days.

He will probably be good in New England, because that’s what they do: Inject your blood with excellence serum they drained from several endangered animal species they keep in cages beneath Gillette Stadium. He will excel. Maybe he’ll win a Super Bowl. But he is forever and irretrievably lost to you, the former Cam Newton fan. Cherish the memories, and close your eyes to the future, for it will be most terrible.

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